Simply Living With Chronic Pain
“Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.”
It’s late November in 2004 at 0400 in Northern Iraq. My fellow Medic and I have just gotten to sleep three hours earlier after a two day mission. Suddenly the familiar cry of “MEDIC!!!” rings through the freezing desert air.
Both of us spring into action. We grab our Aid Bags, jump out of our Medical Track, and run towards the screaming.
Our actions are governed by our training, almost unconsciously executed.
Two Scouts are crouched on both sides of an Infantry Soldier trying to lift up a hydraulic door that has failed and fallen on the soldier’s legs.
Four more Infantry Soldiers join the Scouts and myself to lift the door as my Battle Buddy drags the unfortunate, unconscious kid away from the door. (I say “kid” because he was only nineteen years old.)
We quickly put tourniquets on both of his legs and strap him to a stretcher.
His right hand has also been crushed and he is missing three fingers.
While we are waiting for the helicopter that will take him to the closest Military Hospital my fellow medic starts an IV and I wrap up his hand and look for his fingers but they are beyond saving.
Luckily the young man survived, although he lost his legs and three of his fingers.
Several days after the incident my back is in so much pain I can’t stand it. I go to our Doctor and tell him that I think I really hurt myself lifting that door. He gives me a big bottle of Motrin and tells me that I can’t go to Sick Call because I’m the Medic on duty for Sick Call.
For the next thirteen years I “soldier through” my back pain, until five years ago I can’t take it any longer. I’m told that I have a slipped disk and three fractures that are causing my instability and bilateral stenosis. The fusion fixes my instability but not my pain. For two years I’m on Opioids and Muscle relaxers. The side effects of the medication is horrible and the pain always seems to find me.
One horrible day my VA Surgeon asks me if I have accepted the fact that I’m going to be in pain for the rest of my life and it will probably even get worse as I age. That night I find myself in my car with the engine running, my windows down, and the garage door closed. I have, had enough, but as tears rush down my bearded face and I begin feeling a little light headed I can’t stop thinking about my Wife and Daughter and how IT will effect them. Instinctively, I grab my phone and call the VA Crisis Line. They have me open the garage door and talk me into going to the Emergency Room.
I had been in and out of Inpatient Facilities for several years, but this time is different. This time I want to live! I have a choice to make though. Do I want to live the rest of my life as a depressed, angry, toxic, and lonely person or do I want to have a healthy, loving, fulfilling, and free life with my family despite my chronic issues? I love my family and the last thing I want to do is push them away. For me the answer is obvious. I will learn to live with my chronic pain.
Chronic pain is different than acute pain because it never goes away. We can’t power through chronic pain, because it just causes more damage. Now I can’t lift, bend, or twist and I need a walker to walk because every step I take triggers my nerves to fire sending white hot pain around my tailbone or down my legs. I’ve learned how to function with chronic pain rather than trying to run away from it. Simplifying my life has been very important because my mobility and energy is limited by chronic pain.
“Minimalism is a tool we use to live a meaningful life. There are no rules. Rather, minimalism is simply about stripping away the unnecessary things in your life so you can focus on what’s important”
-“Minimalism” by The Minimalists
I naturally became an essential minimalist just trying to do the necessary things and let go of all the unnecessary things. I’ve developed a very simple daily routine, so that I get the exercise, meditation, medication, nutrition, water, and rest that I need on a daily basis to live a healthy lifestyle.
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
-“Getting Things Done” by David Allen
Patience, Pacing, and resting are key to living with chronic pain. Patience is extremely important when it comes to living with chronic pain. Things I once was able to do quickly now can take a long time and many things I can’t even do anymore. I’ll never be able to run again, but I do enjoy my short morning walks with my Wife. I can’t meditate sitting cross legged anymore but I can still meditate on my back in the afternoon. I’ve learned to slowdown, pace myself, and take breaks while doing chores or activities. It’s very important to remember that taking a break is not quitting. There’s no shame in resting for a while before getting back on the path as long as we get back on the path at some point. It’s also very important to stay in our own lane and not compare or compete with others. It would be like comparing apples to potatoes.
“Even when we have no idea where we are or where we’re going, with the right map, we can find our way back to our heart and to our truest self.”
-“Atlas of the Heart” by Brené Brown
One of the hardest things I’ve learned, and am still learning, is how to communicate with others about my limitations. Good communication is key when talking to others about our capabilities because it helps clarify what we can and can’t do. A good way to talk about pain is through the number scale zero through ten, zero means no pain and ten means the worst pain One could possibly experience. I fluctuate between five and nine on a daily basis. When I’m on my back I’m at a five, but if I sit, stand, or walk for longer than thirty minutes I quickly go to a nine. At times I’ve told my daughter, “I’m sorry, I can’t take you to the park because I’m at an eight right now, let me rest for two hours and I’ll try to take you then.”
The pain number ranking system is very helpful because people around us can’t see how much pain we’re in unless we tell them.
No one will ever know what our suffering is truly like, but they can know what we are capable of in the moment.
These things that I’ve learned while living in pain are helpful for everyone, not just other people struggling with chronic pain!
Everyone is unique and has different skills and capabilities!
Everyone can benefit from learning to communicate simply and clearly!
Everyone has the right to live life at the speed and pace they feel comfortable with, and everyone deserves to enjoy being alive!
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